He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
