i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
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