It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I want to make a zoo with you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
