and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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