Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
