I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
