i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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