Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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