I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
