Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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