I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
