the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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