just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
