she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
