White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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