I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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