By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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