im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh god the rape fog is back!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
