Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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