I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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