i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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