the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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