And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
