It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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