Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize