You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
