i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Couch. On fire.
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