loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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