omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
