I feel great
I just peed on a car
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
