When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
