I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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