Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize