It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
