i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A bitchslap is in order.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
