I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
