my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize