weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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