like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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