I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
