My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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