What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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