2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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