the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
