She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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