I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
