Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Randomize
