Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
