Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
