My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dignity is for republicans.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
