His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
