dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
