I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
