could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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