Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
