I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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