Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
