I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
