Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
