Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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