call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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