Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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