Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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