drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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