Small penises have feelings too.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
