Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize