Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we're making bets on your personal life
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
