Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You ate ashes out of my bong
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