I'm laying in your front yard are you home
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
