Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
