small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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