dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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