dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
