genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
