Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
