hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
