fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I smell like Dick and happiness
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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