Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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