Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
