it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
